31 for 21: Day 8

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The next question is from Rachel:
 I often hear from parents of a child with down syndrome, that they do not want their other children to take more responsibility for their sibling with special needs than a child usually does. The same time, these parents cannot stop hoping that one day, when they are too old to care for their child with down syndrome (or passed away) his siblings will take care of their brother/sister. I have heard of one mother that even thought about having more children than she initially wanted to assure more support to her special kid in the future. How do you think about all that?

Very interesting question!
I don’t think I mind Edgar taking potentially more ‘care’ of Vincent just because he has DS. I am hoping that Edgar will grow up and see things from the perspective within our family, that in our family this is what is ‘typical’ or ‘normal’ or whatever you want to call it. There was this one study that was sent to me once, and of course I can not find it now. It was about siblings to individuals with DS who actually had a higher perceived life satisfaction in comparison to siblings of individuals without DS (or some other type of [dis]ability). It showed that the siblings of the DS individuals valued life higher. Maybe not in terms of how successful they were at work, or how much money they made, but in the over all life satisfaction these siblings were scoring higher on the satisfaction scale. I need to go through my old emails and find this article, or if you have it, send it my way.


I think I spent a lot more time thinking and worrying about the future in Vincent’s first 6 months of life then what I do now. I was crying then imagining that he would not be invited to birthday parties, he would not have friends in school, he would sit alone at lunch etc. I have definitely become better at living in the now, and I tend to worry less about school (need to get on that though), jobs and where he will live once he grows up. When I look inside my mind, I do not see Vincent living with us when he is 20. I see him go to school; high school and college. I see him with a job. I can not see all the details, but I know he will do it. See, if you know Vince in real life, you would see this too. I am not setting my hopes to high, I just simply know this to be true.

Back to the question now. I always wanted more than one child. 2 or 3. I am still not sure how you handle having more kids than hands, but apparently that is possible. I also think it is common to have more kids than one originally planned if you have one child with some sort of disability. I also do not think this is a bad thing.

Hopefully that answered your question.

Please send more question, I still have a lot of October days to cover!

3 Responses

  1. Jag har en fråga till! Antagligen är det en dum fråga eftersom jag inte är påläst i detta ämne…
    Ok, här kommer den: Kan de som har DS få egna barn?

  2. Lowas kommentar till detta inlägg: Edgar sitter i min stol!!! 🙂

  3. Congrats to the happy couple being married already for five years. I do hope we have the chance to toast on it with a glass or two…

    I would also like to pose a question:

    When thinking of Vincent entering school in a a few years do you think that the school system in Sweden will offer a child with DS more possibilities than the school system in Austria does?

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